Armed with the new-found knowledge that I am in fact something of a neurotic shit, I do at least have something of an understanding of why when I see a good friend doing well, I have a little pang of resentment go off inside me. Of course, it's a hateful thing to admit to anyone when you're first instinct when you hear that your mate has a new girlfriend is envy and resentment.
How's that cunt got laid and not me? Me. me. Me. I'm amazing. No one else. ...And thus the cycle of being a neurotic shit continues.
I'm trying, desperately hard, in honestly to try to arrest this thought process. In truth though the thing that's bothering me most about it is the fact that I'm trying to change instinct. This is pretty much ingrained in me, and there's a truth in the idea that I won't be able to change my way of thinking because I don't believe I can, and I don't believe I can change the way I think because I can't. A charming paradox, if you will.
How's that cunt got laid and not me? Me. me. Me. I'm amazing. No one else. ...And thus the cycle of being a neurotic shit continues.
I'm trying, desperately hard, in honestly to try to arrest this thought process. In truth though the thing that's bothering me most about it is the fact that I'm trying to change instinct. This is pretty much ingrained in me, and there's a truth in the idea that I won't be able to change my way of thinking because I don't believe I can, and I don't believe I can change the way I think because I can't. A charming paradox, if you will.
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